Goodbye

THE DAY finally came. The mover came to take my stuff for air freight. I said my final goodbye to my friends and decided to spend the last few days alone or with my family. My dad came back from Cambodia to send me off. He even lugged lots of winter wear back for me, which I did not have space for all.

The night before, my heart started to feel jittery. A heavy pressure seemed to press me down. I feel so weighted as I walked around my house soaking in every detail of the place. I finally understand what it feels to leave your own country for somewhere so foreign. I desperately tried to find something to occupy my mind. Went out for supper with friends, chatted online, packed my bag, watched TV and just daydreamed. I could not sleep which is very unusual for me. Finally manage to grab an hour nap after reading the next morning newspaper.

As the time to leave for the airport arrives, I felt really heavy hearted. I desperately wanted to spend some alone time with the girl, but I could not as my whole family was around. I had my hands filled with the two princesses. They probably will not remember me by the time I come back for a visit. That is such a sad thought for me. I want to be there for them, I want to bring them out to Sentosa, to eat ice cream and to give them Christmas presents. I want to do so many things with them, to be the uncle my relatives were to me and even more.

As I sat in the car towards the airport, I was silent. I just sat there looking at the images zoom pass me. I recalled the times when I was young, when I was growing up and when I finally graduated. I remembered so much. Everything flashed past me. I was sms-ing replies to well wishes I received. I sms the girl, even though she was just behind. Something to remember me I hope.

I was pretty suprised by the number of friends that came to send me off. Different groups from different parts of my life. I had to run round and round talking to them. Truly, thank you. I was really grateful to hang on to a little piece of my history. Thank you and all the best to you all. I'm sorry that I could not spend more time chatting at the airport. Thanks for the gifts, spending a few hours to say goodbye. As I said before, Thanks for everything and I apologize for times I was an ass, for the times I was the unfeeling bastard. Hey, that is why I’m your friend right?

My family decided to leave earlier as my 2 nieces needed to sleep. The two girls kissed me, threw me flying kisses without knowing that I will not be around anymore. My heart sank as I watched them wave to me. I could not prolong the goodbyes with my family. I sweeped through the handshakes and hugs as my eyes watered. I hope none of them wondered why I did not speak much to them, it really took a lot to just say goodbye without breaking down.

Saying goodbyes to my friends at the gates was 'easy' as I cracked jokes. As I hugged the girl, my mouth dried. Nothing came out. I knew I could not stay long. I turned and laughed my way through the gates. I don’t really have much recollection of the journey to Tokyo. My mind was blank as I walked to the plane. I slept on the plane as exhaustion took over.

Thank you my friends, for the time we spent together and for being there.
Sorry for the times I faulted. I hope we leave those times behind.

Thank you my family, for everything. You molded me to who I am.
Sorry for being difficult and aloof.

Thank you my girl, for being there for me.

Sorry.

Goodbye……for now.